Loneliness? Does it struck only when you are alone?

 

Do you experience loneliness only when you are alone at 3 am midnight when the rest of the world is asleep and there is nobody to talk to? Well that's what the usual definition of loneliness says. But I have a different version of it. I experience it at 2 pm in the afternoon when I am surrounded with people talking to each other, not sure if they seem to be sharing their personal stuff or just random chit chats. Loneliness hits me hard at that time when I despite being surrounded by my near and dear ones still feel lonely and walk through my contact list to see with whom I can burst my loneliness to but to my surprise nobody stands out. This happens at the same time when maybe I am chatting to any random person at that point of time. I feel helpless, anxious and more often depressed. There's also a feeling of being cautious at the same time to keep my face smiling so that nobody around me notices my real struggle. It becomes a constant war to look what I am not and feel what I don't want to. Lucky are those, who have somebody at their side to listen to, to understand to and care for them. I do have some of those people in my life but unfortunately they seem to be too busy with their lives too and I have my ego issues to not disturb them unless they seem interested. Sometimes when I feel defeated by my feelings of loneliness, anxiety, nervousness and depression that comes with a combo pack, I give a call to a close friend of mine but my expectations are shattered when the phone isn't picked up. I wait endlessly for the call to return but by the time I receive a response its almost too late because I have already gathered myself up to face the world again bold and courageously though with a heavy heart from inside and a guilt that my called wasn't picked up!